Good Hair!!!

With the release of Chris Rock's documentary entitled "Good Hair", i've decided to write another post (since I haven't updated in a while). When I first heard about this movie and what it was going to be about, I was very excited to see it. A movie that talks about black women and the personal ties they have to their hair is a movie for me! But what i've noticed is that a movie that was intended to be a humored view of black women became a very touchy subject instead. A lot of black women have gone on the defensive citing such things as it "belittles us" and even called it "embarrassing". I'm not one of those women. I think that the movie was very funny and very true, I didn't take it so seriously.

I am a fan of black hair products and a lover of weave. A lot of my friends sometimes believe that the amount of weaves I have worn is ridiculous! They find it ridiculous because there really is no reason for me to wear weaves. I have long hair. In fact, it is almost at the center of my back. My defense is my hair is too thick and too stubborn to do what it is told. If I tell it to lay straight, it flips. If I bump it under, by the end of the day it curls upright. I am grateful that I have a beautiful head of hair, but I am more grateful for a weave. A weave listens. If I say stay, It stays. It can be any length, color or texture I choose without causing any damage to my real hair. In fact I thank a weave because if not for it, my hair probably would be very damaged due to the amount of work that I have to do to it just to get the look I am going for.

I believe that hair makes the look. If I want to be sophisticated, I throw in a ponytail (yes, I even purchase ponytails). If I want to be wet and wild, I buy a wet and wavy weave. They say blond's have more fun and if I want to find out for myself I throw in a blond weave. Weave is a miracle worker! For instance, if I wear a plain white T- shirt and jeans everyday, a fly hair style will surely bring out the best of that simple outfit. Hair makes the look. To me it is a better accessory than jewelery or even that perfect shoe.

The point I am trying to make is, it is only hair! Calm down! Even if it isn't yours, if it makes you happy then by all means proceed. After all life is too short to be anything but.

my real hair...

... and my beloved weave

Does Monogamy Still Exist Or Is It So 2008???

For the longest time I have wanted to write a blog about relationships.  Relationships are constant conversation amongst me and my girlfriends. All we need is a little wine to get the ball rolling and no topic is off limits. We talk about sex, love, friendships and all the encompasses the term relationship.  But what I have noticed is that a female's ideal of what a relationship is has become jaded. A lot of females have just gotten used to settling for what they can get. I will admit that I was once guilty of that. But now- a- days it seems like a women has only two choices: settle or be lonely. I have yet to decide which one is worse.

I have a friend who doesn't believe in monogamy. She explains herself by saying, "why should I practice monogamy when niggas don't believe in it. I don't 'do' relationships and that's how I protect my heart".  Now I want to make sure to tell you that even though she is not monogamous doesn't mean she "sleeps around", it just means she doesn't claim anyone or allows anyone to claim her. As she expressed her thoughts on the subject, I nodded my head in agreement. I can say that no man that I was in a relationship with has cheated, but then I would be lying. But do all females feel that way?

Thinking that this conversation had become biased, I searched for a male point of view. I asked one of my closet male friends his opinion on monogamy. With the wit that only he has, he replied, "I would like to say yes, for my girl's sake, but I don't know. I always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side and maybe one day I will try to find out. But trust and believe my girl is probably staring at that same grass too". Although I appreciated the honesty in his response, I couldn't believe it. Him and his girl have been together for 2 years, why would he wonder about the other side or speculate that she might be wondering too?

Yesterday I watched "Why did I get Married (The Play)" and the topics got me asking myself a lot of questions. If monogamy no longer exists, then who is to blame? They always say "do your part because if you don't then someone else would", but is that always the reason or is that the excuse?

Personally, I believe that if the love and the connection is there then the relationship can survive. But it can not survive with wandering eyes. People today are just overwhelmed with too many choices and they look for traits in another person that they cannot find in someone else. (Exactly why that Pleasure P song "Boyfriend #2 irritates me). I also believe that some people are just not built to be monogamous *kanye shrug*

Being single, I have come to terms with being "lonely". Sometimes it's good and sometimes it sucks major ass (but only on cold nights). But it has allowed me the chance to figure out who I am and what I would like to receive in a relationship or if I even want a relationship at all. There is far to much "settling" going around and it is mostly because of the fear of being lonely. But it is hard for me to adjust to the thought that what I can receive from a relationship is only what I allow myself to see, while overlooking the honest truth that the essence of good relationships probably no longer exist.

hmmm... i wonder...

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

Now im sure most of you saw the madness that is the MTV 2009 Video Music Awards. I was excited to watch it because I just knew the performances and the Micheal Jackson tribute would be the highlights of the show. Judging from the opening of the show,  it appeared as if it was going to be good. Madonna gave one of the most touching speeches about Micheal Jackson ive heard thus far. Janet Jackson's tribute to her brother made me shed a tear.  But what I did not expect was Kanye West's improptu speech during Taylor Swift's acceptence speech.

Now for those who did not watch, here is a brief run down. The first award to be given out was "best female video". The nominees were Beyoncé (single ladies/ put a ring on it), Katy perry (hot &cold), Lady GaGa (poker face), Pink (so what), Kelly Clarkson (my life would suck without you) and Taylor Swift (you belong with me). To my astonishnent, teen country music sensation Taylor Swift won the award. But appearantly I was not the only one confused. When Taylor went up on stage to accept her very first moonman (video music awrad) and give her acceptance speech, she was bombarded by Kanye West who took it upon himself to express his feelings. Kanye goes on to say, "Congratulations Taylor.  I'mma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time".  *blank stare* WHAT?

I must admit that I am a bit biased in this situation. I really dont know enough about Taylor Swift's music (and i admittedly have not seen one video) to know whether or not she deserved the award. What I do know is that Beyoncé's "single ladies (put a ring on it)" was one of the most imitated videos on youtube to date. But all of that is irrelevant at this point. From the moment Kanye said what he said he was labeled "an asshole". But is he really?

I feel some empathy for Taylor Swift because she appeared to be so excited to win her first Video Music Award, only to have her bubble bursted by Kanye West on national television. But in all honesty, I dont think Kanye's rant was directed toward Taylor, I believe it was directed toward MTV (Taylor just happened to be the one that won). For a few years in a row, a lot of the VMA winners have been very suspect. Those who I assumed would win, were dupped by artist who had better sales (or better PR reps). If you familiar with Mr. West then his actions would shock you, but if you are, it was Kanye just being Kanye. I believe "improptu" is his middle name.

Unfortunately for Kanye, him being himself may have caused some serious backlash. MTV put him and his date (the lovely Ms. Amber Rose) out and canceled his performance. The social network Twitter was up in arms over what he said even suggesting that his later apology was fake. (It baffles me that people judge apologies).  Some believe that what Kanye did was bad for black people (ummm... okay). Some also believe that what Kanye West did was the equivalent to Senator Wilson calling President Obama a "liar" during the National Press Conference (whoa. that's a stretch). It also didnt help matters that President Obama later called him an "asshole". I believe a lot of people are really upset with Kanye because of his timing, not so much over what he did.

Now here is my question to you: Is it okay to express your feelings whenever and wherever you feel them? Is there a time and place for everything?

My personality doesn't allow me to accept what I believe in my heart is wrong. I pride myself on being able to call out bulshit and their keepers when and where ever I see them appear. I do not disagree with what Kanye said at all because he expressed exactly what I was thinking at that same moment, however I do disagree with the way he choose to express his feelings.

Just another example of "when keeping it real goes wrong".

(By the way: Kudos to Beyoncé for making a bad situation better and allowing Taylor Swift her time to shine. You're a class act Bey!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1reS1QEt1jg <---- click this link to see the full spectacle.

*picture provided by: justjared.buzznet.com

Have you taken the time to read the book, or do you just look at the cover??

I am very fond of social networks and blogging. It allows me the chance to communicate and share thoughts with friends and strangers alike. I suppose everyone with internet access feels that their opinions and thoughts are relevant and should be shared. That's somewhat understandable. What I can not understand is the vicious and insulting comments made amongst one another on the web. So much negativity can be found online now- a- days. True meaning of "A gift and a curse".

What is the difference between "hating" and "constructive critism"? Personally, I do not like the terms "hating" or "hater". I feel  it is overused. Some people who can not take constructive critism or the hard truth, use that term to justify themselves. But, what truly separates "hating" from "constructive cristism" is the motive behind it. Is it coming from a good place?


I consider myself to be a "watcher". The term "watcher" describes my personality around people. I pay very close attention to the people around me (with or without a sober mind). As I watch people, although i am not in the very best position, i judge them. These judgments are not necessarily negative, but more times than not they are.

*Some of my judgmental ways stem from my family. I grew up with people who made it their business to express all thoughts (both positive and negative)

I judge based on upkeep. I judge people for what i consider to have "project mentalities" (be small minded); the way they raise their children, the way they handle relationships with men/ women, their lack of education, ignorance, etc. I would secretly vow to myself that "I would never be like them". I won't lie, a part of me distanced myself mentally from them (although I would still hang out with them) because I did think I was better than them. But what I know for a fact is once I got to know them individually (as opposed to placing them all in the same box), I've come to realize that we all had similarities in our past and present. In fact, we really weren't that much different at all. A lot of the people that I was so quick to write off are some of my closet friends to date.

After that revelation, I started to think about why is it a human instinct of mine (and others) to "judge a book by it's cover", never concerning oneself with the contents inside. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. It really makes no sense to judge people without knowing who they are or what they stand for. It baffles me how some people's sole purpose is to bring another person down. I am reminded of a friend who once told me "being negative comes natural. It gives people a false sense of maturity and growth. It is positivity that takes effort, but you shall be rewarded in the end". Hmmm... interesting way to look at it.


When I read blogs from people like Tameka Foster Raymond (Usher Raymond's ex- wife), I can sympathize with her. No, I do not no the inner workings of her life or relationship (and I truly could care less), but I do know what it feels like to be judged. And she has been judged plenty. People (celeb bloggers and their commentators mostly) make assumptions about her life without knowing her, and this is something that she has to deal with on a daily basis. Can you imagine??

Celebrities are constantly under a microscope and examined piece by piece. But they often don't receive sympathy because most people feel as if "it comes with the territory".

But what about us everyday, average folk? Should we all naturally expect negativity? Yes, I know the old saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words would never hurt me", but I don't think that that is always the case. Physically words cant hurt you, but mentally it can fuck you up (if you feed into it). You can be the strongest person with the most confidence, but some things can still effect you.

I've dealt with this issue on both ends (being the one that's judged and being the one doing the judging). What I have learned is that "judging" is inevitable, there is no getting around being judged or making judgments (even if they are unintentional).


You cant change people, but you can change yourself (and hope everyone else follows suit)...

...I am still a work in progress.

"Don't hate.. Hate is easy... Love takes courage" -Rev Run

Racism in 2009... really??

For the first time in U.S. history, a black man has won the highest office in the land. Finally the country will accept change far beyond allowing a lot more rap music in white American households. This country will be willing to have the “uncomfortable” race talk, and work to find solutions to of issues in prejudices. That was the hope on November 4th, 2008, yet racial tensions and misunderstandings remain the abiding subtexts of many of our national conversa¬tions.


It is naïve to assume that racial issues would somehow disappear with the election of President Obama. But it has somehow become a ridiculous notion to believe that racial tensions would settle and maybe phase out. Unfortunately, within the past few month race has been the front line issue on national news stations and most conversations. What is more bothersome is that issues of race have somehow distracted the common goal of all Americans (i.e. fair healthcare, education and a balanced economy).


Ignorance and the refusal to except change have led to fear- motivated comments and actions. Not allowing a group of black kids to swim at a day camp pool in Pennsylvania, opposing Judge Sotomayer’s recommendation for Supreme Court Justice, and now insisting that President Obama is racist against white people are all symptoms of fear of change. It makes one wonder, as much as things change, they often stay the same. It is interesting that people fear change, when the status quo as proved to be unsuccessful.


A lot of people are unaware of the underlying (and often blatant) racism. Other cultures have fused their way into everyday American life. With hip hop seeping into white communities, rock and roll seeping into black communities and the success of “Slumdog Millionaire”; it is hard to understand why some people are so outright opposed to accepting that America is a diverse nation.


Racial issues have become a strong factor in political agendas. “Mud- slinging” has ensued and sides are being taken. The connection made amongst Americans on the night of November 4th, 2008 almost seems to be nonexistent. We know from history, that when a group of people are being antagonized and pushed into a corner, they fight their way out. They fight for their civil rights, but are Americans truly ready for a Race War?


“Cant we all just get along” is proving to be a lot more easily said than done.

*All pictures provided by chicagotribune.com

Have You Seen My Childhood?

Enjoying a beautiful day at a local NYC neighborhood park with my nephews, I decided to log on to my twitter account (via blackberry) to inform my followers of what I was doing. It was then when I seen an update posted by Perez Hilton stating that Micheal Jackson had a massive heart attack. I immediately, without a second thought text messaged my God- sister (a devoted MJ fan) the information I had just read. Not long after, I checked twitter again to see if anyone else had information on the status of Micheal Jackson. Not getting the information I was looking for, I rushed my nephews back into the house to watch the news. When I got to the house, I logged on to my twitter account from a laptop and watched the news hoping for the best. For the 1st hour, twitter (as well as the media) went back and forth between death and coma, until finally they announced on June 25th, 2009 Micheal Jackson was gone...

All the air left from my body as I heard my God- sister crying in agony. Tears began to form in my eyes, but I tried my hardest to contain myself because my nephews are only three and four years old, and I didnt think that they would understand. They asked me why their mom was so sad, and I responded, "... because Micheal Jackson is in Heaven now". The eldest of the two said, "is he in Heaven with Great- Grandma?". I said, "yes baby, he is with Great- Grandma". And with the wit that only children his age have he responded, "then mommy shouldnt cry because he's happy now... no more pain". I agreed. No more pain.

I would like everyone to understand why the lost of Micheal Jackson touched my heart. It stretches beyond the music... I felt as if I have lost my childhood. Granted I was born in 1986 (by then he had already had success with the Jackson Five, as well as two smash solo albums) I still grew up listening to his music. My Father was a huge Micheal Jackson fan. During his lifetime he prided himself on owning vinyl copies of Off the Wall and Thriller. My mother even joked that I was conceived while "Lady in my Life" played in the background. (i know... TMI).

My father had taped the Motown 25 special and owned Moonwalker. I have probably watched the Moonwalker tape over 1000 times! By the time I was four I knew the entire first three albums (with the help of my God- sister, who still owns every MJ button and poster she made in her pre-teen years). My God- sister introduced me to songs like "PYT" and her all time favorite "Baby Be Mine". When she and her sisters had to babysit my cousins and I, they used to turn off all the lights and play just the end of "thriller" to scare us straight when we didnt listen (cruel). As we grew older my cousins and I would have karaoke nights and perform all Micheal Jackson songs.

By the time I was 5 yrs old, the "Remember the Time" video had premiered and I had my father tape it so that I knew every step. I was determined to become a dancer if it killed me. I was intrigued at a young age by the performances (ie. Dirty Diana live). When "Keep it in the closet" came out, I decided right then and there that I loved Micheal Jackson. That video had both my idols (at the time) in it and to this day remains one of my most beloved videos. When I was old enough to realize that Micheal and Janet Jackson were related, it was no turning back... I was IN love.

For my 8th birthday my father purchased a portable CD player. The first two CD's I recieved were TLC's "CrazySexyCool" and Micheal Jackson's "History". Those Cd's were my theme music as I rollerbladed all over Brooklyn with my dad on the days that he did not have to go to dialysis. I was probably the only child at that age who had "The Girl is Mine" on repeat. My devotion for Micheal wasnt really an obsession (unlike my God- sister), but more of admiration because even at such a young age, I felt the impact of his music. I felt it in me.

I was to young to connect scandal to the man and I must admit that I truly never payed any attention to the face or skin changes until I was old enough to realize that his face and skin did indeed change. I only heard the music. I consider me being that naive a blessing because it allowed me to enjoy the music. Over the years, as I got older and the scandals got bigger I fought on his behalf, never allowing anyone to say things like, "from a black man to a white woman" or "wacko jacko" or "child molester". Micheal was as good as family in my eyes and I only wanted to see the good.

I remember the first songs that my cousin's twins, as well as my God- sister's kids, learned were Micheal Jackson songs. (the twins: "You rock my world", my nephews: "Dont stop til you get enough"). The first dance that I cheoreographed was to "Invincible" from the "Invicible" album. My dance teacher even allowed me, along with two other girls, to perform it at my high school spring recital. Now it wasnt the best dance ever, but it was mine and it was to Micheal's music.

Now I can go on and on for days and days about Micheal Jackson memories, but Micheal means alot to me because he meant alot to my dad. My father passed away in 2001, and honoring Micheal, to me, is just another way to honor my father.

Although I try to avoid the negativity surrounding the loss of Micheal Jackson, I often find myself becoming an advocate for MJ. I just would like you all to know that I understand that Micheal Jackson does not mean alot to some people, but for the rest of us, espeacially the Jackson family, he is forever embedded in our hearts. And although he is not family to me, he has been there through every phase of my childhood with a soundtrack to each phase of my life.

Just allow Micheal Jackson to truly rest in peace... "gone to soon".

Sailing On

I should warn you reader that there is no real outline for what I am about to say. For the past couple of weeks my mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts.

I'm 22 years old (soon to be 23) and I have no idea what that means. I know that I am way beyond that "not a girl, not yet a woman" phase in life, but I am truly debating if I am a woman now.

What (besides the obvious) would make me a woman? Is it to ambixous to try and become a woman at my age? Should I let it naturally evolve?

I graduated high school 5 years ago. Not to sound as if I am hitting my midlife crisis (I understand that I am far from that), but in 5 years what have I accomplished?? And for the next 5 years, what would I like to accomplish?

Currently, I find myself unhappy. Not unhappy with myself, but just unhappy. I started reading books and taking to heart spiritual quotes and passages that I feel are talking directly to me. But I stopped because the pressure of living up to what is written scares me. It's one thing to read a spiritual quote or passage, but it's another thing to live up to it's words.

Some people make growing up look so easy, but I'm having a difficult time with it. Responsibility sucks! And I was ill equiped to deal with it. I was spoiled all my life and one day that well ran dry.

I often try not to feel sorry for myself, but bottling in these conflicting thoughts and feelings saddens me. Don't get me wrong, I am far from depressed! I have a wonderful large family and great friends, but those things are not as fulfilling as one would expect them to be.
I feel like there is a void in my life and I don't know exactly where to begin to fill it up. But it is a feeling I can't shake.

I am sharing these feelings because I want reassurance that I am not the only one who is feeling or has felt this way at some point. Also, I would like some suggestions from those of you who understand. How did you get through this? Is this feeling of wanting more ever defeatable? Or when we get everything that we ever wanted do we still crave more?

But, as my mother's child, I am determined to get through whatever it is I am going through. If I am nothing else I am strong and I will sail on and trust that the Lord leads me in the right direction for the right destination.

"Though you may limp or be bent double, do not abandon your search, but drag yourself towards it." -Sufism