The Plight...

"'Allow yourself to be loved'
I stare at those words
Dissect them
Piece them back together
Nope.
Something is still wrong.
I rearrange them
Try to make it more appealing to me, but
Something is still wrong.
Allow?
The mere thought of love needing my permission to occur saddens me
Love is without effort, it just is.
Right?
'Allow yourself to be loved'
I dress those words up with fancy happily ever after's.
But the outfit was too tight
Suffocating.
To give love the opportunity to smother me, fearing losing me in the process..."

I wrote this piece months ago, but could never finish. Most of the pieces I write aren't my personal experiences. but often times representations of things I've observed or read or overheard. My mind is always on go and words are always perched at the tip of my tongue ready to be released. But in this case, I couldn't finish this piece because... it's me.

Honestly, this piece is a lot of people. There are many who love hard, but don't know how to accept being love. Crazy, right? Well, I never said it would make sense, but it is indeed a reality.

We spend so much time waiting and hoping to be loved. Searching, yearning. Expecting that once love is coveted, it'll full a void. But when we actually get what we want, we run.

I believe that the ability to not know how to accept love is the reason why people end up in bad relationships. I don't think this in any way reflects self esteem, but a fear of trust. Fearing that if you become comfortable with your trust, things will change or in the end you'll lose. If you're making decisions based on fear, then you'll find yourself dealing with the same "safe" situations.

When you repress your fears, you're resisting them. Resisting fears does not eliminate them. You’ll continue to feel and subsequently create the experience of fear in your life. Where attention goes, energy flows. You will always end up in the same complacent relationship that'll always lead to you being alone...

And isn't that the fear? To love, be loved and lose love?

So... it really makes no sense to not take the risk of allowing someone to love you.

"In the same way how darkness is the lack of light and not the opposite of light, fear is the lack of Love, not the opposite of it. You can't put darkness in a room. In order to make it dark you have to block out light. You cant put fear in a person. In order to make a person fearful, you have to block out Love..."



Are you allowing yourself to be loved?....

My Top Albums: 2011

Well... It's that time of year again. When we reflect on the past year and look forward to a new one. Of course, my reflection of 2011 derives strictly from the vast amount of great music released this year. So I composed a list of MY FAVORITES (capitalized for emphasis of music that I preferred over the year). In each category it is listed in the order of number of plays it has received by me.

Hope you enjoy and hope I might have put you on to a few artists that you may have overlooked! Have A Happy New Year Everyone!


My Favorite Mixtapes: 


Frank Ocean- Nostalgia/ Ultra
The Weeknd- House of Balloons
Teedra Moses- Luxurious Undergrind
The Weeknd- Thursday
Fabolous- The Soul Tape
Frank Ocean- The Lonny Breaux Collection
Pusha T- Fear of God
Stacy Barthe- Sincerely Yours
Chase N Cashe- Gumbeaux
Meek Mills- Dreamchaser
Young Jeezy- The Real Is Back
Wale- Eleven One Eleven
Melo X- More Merch
Masspike Miles- The Road Less Traveled
Terius Nash (The Dream)- 1977


My Otha Shyt Favorites:


Pala- Friendly Fires
Idle Warship- Habits of The Heart
Florence And The Machine- Ceremonials
Lykki Li- Wounded Rhymes
M83- Hurry Up, We're Dreaming
Dum Dum Girls- Only In Dreams
Britney Spears- Femme Fatale
Foo Fighters- Wasting Light
Coldplay- Mylo Xyloto
Jessie J- Who Are You?


My Favorite R&B Albums


Beyonce- 4
Miguel- All I Want Is You
Jill Scott- The Light of The Sun
Tank- Now or Never
Chris Brown- F.A.M.E
Raphael Saadiq- Stone Rollin
Marsha Ambrosius- Late Nights, Early Mornings
Anthony Hamilton- Back To Love


My Favorite Hip Hop/ Rap Albums:

Phonte- Charity Starts At Home
Drake- Take Care
Young Jeezy- Thug Motivation: 103
Pusha T- Fear of God 2
Big Sean- Finally Famous
Wale- Ambition
Jay Z & Kanye West (The Throne)- Watch The Throne
The Game- R.E.D
Childish Gambino- Camp
J. Cole- Cole World: Sideline Story


(Didn't Know Where to Place) Definitely Needs To Be Mentioned:
Adele- 21
Amy Winehouse- Lioness: Hidden Treasure




Look Out For (artist making noise... lowkey)


@fuzeb- Curb Your Sarcasm http://hulkshare.com/k7vnfq5aucjl

@AsiFrio- Pussy And Sportscenter http://www.datpiff.com/Asi-Frio-Pussy-And-Sportscenter-mixtape.298241.html

@Therealsoufboi- I'm So Georgia http://indy.livemixtapes.com/mixtapes/12983/soufboi_im_so_georgia.html

@Avionadramida- Avionadramida http://hulkshare.com/8pdj6h4441l6

@Avionadramida- The Recruiting Process http://www.mediafire.com/?uqpz6on0b59lwmq

@JustFLoWing- Go With The Flow  http://www.justflowing.com/ 

@JustFLoWing & @MaVnificent1- The WaterBreak http://www.mediafire.com/?3ptmu8cvb6p6v84

@theYHGMbrand- The Empire Strikes Back (volume 1) http://hulkshare.com/frxo37nj026h

@MillyEsquire- Vintage Milly http://www.datpiff.com/Milly-Esquire-Vintage-Milly-BE-mixtape.268379.html

@MillyEsquire- Eating Milk, Drinking Cereal http://www.mediafire.com/?l30y5qr6jt9bqm9

@LexOfNP- Adult Swim (beats) http://www.datpiff.com/LexOfNP-Adult-Swim-mixtape.271104.html

@LexOfNP- Nick@Nite (beats) http://gotinstrumentals.com/mixtapes/NickNite-11303.htm

@PassportRav- Unemployment Check: Tier 2 http://www.datpiff.com/RavP-Unemployment-Check-Tier-2-mixtape.229341.html

@PassportRav- Passport Fridays http://hulkshare.com/gi0t9x35dbwx

Leaks and shit...

I can admit that I am a very opinionated person. Stubborn, if you will. But I don't think I'm irrational. Before I disagree, I hear a person out. But... 

I love music. I quite possibly listen to music all day, everyday. You know what's better than music? New Music. I am always excited by new releases and if that new release just so happens to drop before the release date, guess what? I'm listening. 

Recently, I have found myself defending why I don't see an issue with getting leaks... especially if you buy the music, anyway. And really who is to blame for all these leaks when the lines of mixtapes and actual albums have been smudged so heavily. So when it's time to give up your hard earned coins, wouldn't you want to know that you have a reason to? Eh.

That's one way to look at it... but that's not how I see it entirely. 

I believe in things like support. When I look at artist like Adele, who has been in the top10 for the majority of the year and STILL has links up for download, it's hard for me to fathom  the issue. It's almost like a "if you build it, they will come" kind of situation. There are numerous artist this year who had albums leak and still sold and are continuing to sell. Because the music is that good... I mean that's why I buy music. That is why I support artist. 

I am currently working on a project of my own. It is something that I am proud of and can't wait to release, but I was just asked how would I feel if my project got leaked and although people were receptive to it, I made NO money.

Good Question. I mean logically, why go through all the hard work of doing something. having to get it out to the people and NOT be payed. This is just, for me, a stepping stone of accomplishments. Who knows? Assuming that that actually happens, maybe I will change my mind. Maybe...

If the money is what drives an artist solely, then focusing on record sales is not key. Product should be. If you make a good product people will buy a good product, even if they test it out first. 

But I can really only speak for myself on this matter because honestly a lot of people aren't buying music anymore. But with an over-saturated market, I can see how some music doesn't hold people's attention spans long enough for them to invest in every artist. 

I say ALL of that to say this, I do fully believe in supporting good art. It's what thrives us, it's what motivates, it's what gets us through the day. But I can't wholeheartedly believe that leaking music is wrong... not entirely anyway. Not if you buy the album but are just too anxious to wait, like myself.

We need a resolution...

On Sunday, social networks and blogs alike were in an uproar over a video that leaked of a 14 year old girl performing oral sex on a peer in front of a school, as other students watched. The internet was set ablaze with overwhelming opinions and judgments. Some looked for a specific person to blame while others accepted the fact that this young lady isn’t the first nor will she be the last of her age group to experiment sexually.

Young children all across this country are partaking in sexual activities that “some” of us would have never thought of doing at that age. But times have most certainly changed. More and more children are exposed to a lot more than when I was a youth. We now live in a tech world. Although things are accessible with just a click, there is no filter. The gift and the curse of the world wide web.

But as I read the rants of people who have heard or even viewed the footage (I have not because the ages of the participants technically makes the video child pornography), I became witness to a lot of finger pointing. When situations like this occurs, people more often overlook resolutions because they are too busy looking for someone to blame.

It is more than easy to blame the parents of this young lady. Where are the parental units when things like this occur? As a parent, it is your job to guide your children morally. Teach them right from wrong. But lets face it, how many of us know right from wrong and still engage in the wrong? Although at that age we are still developing (mentally, physically )is it still the fault of the parent if we choose to go down the wrong path? Mistakes are apart of growing up. It’s how you learn. Right?

What this young lady did was extreme, but before we cast the first stone let’s not forget none of us are angels.  And if technology was as advanced when I was her age as it is now, I’m sure more than a few of you could very well be in this same situation.

To single that girl or her parents out for promiscuous activity isn’t fair. Yes, you can call her a hoe, but she is also a child. Many factors could be considered, but we weren’t given the full story,  we were provided with the result which is the video.

And what is to be said about the young man on the receiving end or the young men who recorded it? Do they get a pass because of gender while the young lady has to solely suffer the consequences of her decision?

I say all of that to say this, the issue at hand is bigger than the video itself. The issue, to me, is more or less guidance. Kids will be kids and the release of that tape isn’t going to hinder any child’s curiosity in the future. As opposed to judging what these children have done, look at this as a forum to discuss repercussion. That young lady could be related to any one of us. The shame that her and her family have to deal with because of a decision now is unfortunate. But maybe, the next young lady would think twice about her actions.

Bottom line, take care of the uninformed youth. They are growing up thinking that they are mature enough to know and deal with what they are doing and partake in things that they probably shouldn’t, as we all did at that age. The video isn’t going to stop kids from having sex, that’s a fact. I just hope that this incident could somehow show that everything isn’t made to be put on a public forum and that sometimes, although just a kid, things like this affect your future.

Just remember that the youth of today is our future of tomorrow.

But, I digress...



Editors Note: Anyone who not only watched, but distributed the links to the video on the internet are, in my opinion, sick individuals. At the end of the day, minors are involved and you are contributing to the release and viewership of Child Pornography. Seek help, sickos!  

Is there such a thing as being happily single?

I came across this tweet the other day, a topic brought up by @COURgasm who found it hard to believe that people think that it is impossible to be happily single. She was also in awe that proclaiming such a thing made her a "liar" according to responses she received. One of her followers (@VyBeta) responded to her tweets by saying:

" It's difficult to believe someone can be content in and with self because the flesh requires too much instant gratification. Aloneness contradicts what it means to take care of flesh. It automatically suggests you're deficient in something. Not happy. "

So... With that being said...

Is there such thing as happily single?

Personally speaking, I can't even answer that question. Currently I'm single. I consider myself content because at this point I'm not trying to be in a relationship.In other words, I'm not out there pursuing. It's not that big of deal to me because I've played that part and I know what it really takes. I'm definitely not gonna act like relationships aren't good when they are good, but I'm not miserable without one. No need to wait to exhale, I'm breathing.

A lot of females express this same content with being single, but there are a lot of people who think anyone who says they are okay with being single is lying. I can understand why. There are a plentyful of females out here too happy to be single. They are out here cussing love out (when you know they're really scorned). Maybe it wasn't love, maybe it's you.

To equate that one couldn't possibly be happy being single because of the need to not only just be with, but touched someone, is both ridiculous and yet somehow understandable. It coincides with my ideal that some people aren't anymore happy in a relationship then they would be out of it. They just have a void to fill. Not to discredit those who are happily in relationships.

This is a new generation of women who can feel okay about being single, but don't. The word "alone" sends shivers through the bodies of some who never look at this process as temporary, a time for self discovery and personal accomplishments. Instead, some women panic at the thought of lonely cold nights and start to think that being single may possibly be a permanent situation.

That eminent desire to belong to someone or be apart of something (a relationship) is rooted in everyone. But the second that someone proclaims happiness with being single, they are perceived as liars. Lying not only to others, but themselves as well.

Loneliness and desperation are the Achilles heel of all females, at least that is what we are made to believe. So appearing confidently single is often considered a exterior masking the sadness that weeps out at night on tear stained pillows. Yup. Except, no. That fact that it is easy to group all women in such a fragile state as neediness is disturbing. Yes, being comfortable with being single isn't easy. Especially if you are one to constantly be in and out of relationships, but it isn't a far- fetched idea either.

Singlehood isn't about realizing you can be happy, it's mostly about conforming to your status enabling you to try to consider being happy by yourself first. Being single does not automatically make you lonely. You are still able to date and test the waters all the while trying to discover what you want and what's best for you. But walk that line very carefully.

Do I believe all single people secretly want to be in a relationship? Yes. But I don't believe that you can't be happy without one.

Stay Woke: Personalities, Politics, Propaganda and Poverty...

With the Presidential elections approaching, I am becoming more and more aware of how unaware my peers and my generation is about what is going on both socially and politically. We have developed into a "what have you done for me lately" generation. This selfishness that we have acquired will ultimately be our downfall. Impressed by the lyrics in songs that ultimately express "money over everything", we look to become great without looking to make our surroundings greater. I suppose it's okay because our President is black, right? Wrong.

Yes, as a country, electing a African American into the highest office is an accomplishment, but that's not where it ends. A lot of us know who our President is, but what about our senators, representatives or other state officials? Do we know those names? What about the current issues, not just general, but in our neighborhoods, do we know those? But enough with the preaching. This was not the intent of the blog, per say. The intent is to get my peers to see more than what's being shown and hear more than what's being told.

Earlier today, I stumbled across a recording of Steve Harvey's morning show, in which he expressed his views on how he felt about what Tavis Smiley and Cornel West is doing in reference to President Obama. Now, you may not know this, but i detest Steve Harvey. I feel like his "life advice" is completely unwarranted because of the lifestyle he lives. I also feel as though he uses the "black struggle" to his advantage by speaking in such a way where those who are easily influenced hang on to his every word.

In this recording, Harvey proceeds to dig into (in the comedic way that only he knows how) Tavis Smiley and Cornel West about the "poverty bus tour" that they are running. He even alludes to them having some sort of hidden agenda. Both Smiley and West have expressed that the purpose of the "poverty bus tour" is to shine a light on the fact that although our President is black, black people are still suffering. Harvey proceeds to call these two men Uncle Toms and loosely accuse them of propaganda against President Obama.

Regardless of whether or not Smiley and West have personal issues with President Obama, they are not wrong. The state of black people in this country is dwindling because the majority of black people in this country are unaware that this is happening. The middle class is close to becoming non- existent. To call these two men out for even trying to make a forum for some kind of explanation of a resolve for these issues from our President is wrong. Plain and simple.

I am fully aware that the poverty issue did not start January 20th, 2009, but I am also aware that since that date, there has been no significant change. By no means am I faulting President Obama, but just because he is our black President doesn't mean that this should go unanswered either.

What I gathered from that recording is that because we are black, we should stand behind President Obama regardless if there is a fraction of doubt because he is black. Although, Harvey expresses several times that this isn't a black issue, it's a country wide issue.

I commend President Obama. To try to revive faith in a country that has none in it's government, while still trying to appease both political parties takes a tremendous amount of mental strength.... But... I will not fault Tavis Smiley nor Cornel West for drawing attention to the fact that although President Obama has done, he has not done enough. This is the purpose of this time before the elections, to get conversations started. To weed out those who can do and those who can just merely talk about it.

For Steve Harvey to shun these two influential figures in Black America by name calling and accusations is the exact same propaganda he is placing on them. Let's be for real, Harvey wants to be the spokesperson for black America. He wants to dictate how households should be ran. Just look at the books he writes, or the topics he discusses on his radio shows. Hell, look at the manner in which he discusses them as if he is somehow "all knowing". So for two highly respected African Americans to disagree with him, I believe he considers them a threat.

The Bottom Line is (because i am just shy of a ramble), everyone comes equipped with the ability to form their own judgments. We have created this facade of our President as some sort of hero equipped with weapons of hope and change to slay the evil republicans. Because of that image we have left change up to him, soley. Instead of being sheep, be informed. That is the only possible way for real change to occur.

"Times are serious and economic despair is hitting millions of Americans far and wide. But Steve Harvey doesn't feel any of this economic pain because rich men have the luxury of playing politics." - Dr. Boyce Watkins

Stay Woke.

Read Dr. Boyce Watkins Opinions on the Steve Harvey Morning Show Recording:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-boyce-watkins/steve-harvey-uncle-tom-cornel-tavis_b_924247.html

Listen To the Steve Harvey Morning Show Recording:

Look At Your Life, Look At Your Choices... R.I.P Amy Winehouse

Receiving her first guitar at age 13 after being fascinated by her brother being able to teach himself how to play, Amy Winehouse began writing music. Finding solace in music, she later joined a jazz band part time while working as a journalist for the World Entertainment News Network. Her big break came when singer/ boyfriend Tyler James sent her demo to A&R and she got signed to Simon Fuller’s management company in 2002. After being kept a secret, a year later, Winehouse released “Frank” on Island records, which received critical acclaim in the UK and derived some buzz in the states.

The album “Frank” was produced by hip hop producer Salaam Remi, who has also worked with Nas on his “Made You Look” record. “Frank”, aside from two cover songs, was heavily jazz influenced. Her voice was quickly compared to the smooth sultry voices of artist like Macy Gray and Sarah Vaughn. Her writing skills were undeniable, as well. She received the Ivor Novello songwriting award (alongside Salaam Remi) for her 1st single “stronger than me”. Although the album was considered successful, Winehouse wasn’t really happy about the chooses made.

Taking matters into her own hand for her sophomore album, Winehouse began to listen to only the music of the 1960‘s and the girl group motown sounds. She also has been reported to say that Nas was the inspiration behind the track ”me and mr. jones” after a chance meeting him on tour. “Back to Black” took a more classic soul and R&B feel. Hiring the Dap Kings to do background vocals and incorporating more risque topics (drinking, sex and drugs) the album produced several singles. With the help of Salaam Remi and Mark Ronson the album was a huge success world wide. Winehouse earned 5 grammy’s which tied her with the likes of Alicia Keys, Beyonce and Lauryn Hill.

Despite all of her success Winehouse was unable to defeat her vices. A bad relationship and heavy drugs led this talented artist down a never ending spiral. Bad publicity about her vices and outspoken family members didn’t help matters much, either. The song “rehab” on her 2nd LP explains her defiance and unwillingness to clean herself up for the sake of not only her talent, but her health. Against her own will, Winehouse checked herself in and out of rehabs over the last few years, but nothing was able to subdue the hidden torment. Unfortunately, after her most recent check out, Winehouse was pronounced dead early this morning for causes unknown.

I didn’t plan on blogging this month, but after hearing about the death of the artist who has made one of my favorite albums ever, my heart grew very heavy. “Back to Black” was an album that spoke to me, although I can’t really say I was going through those exact things at the exact time, but I felt it.

Logging on to social networks during a death announcement of an artist that was known to battle with drugs and substance abuse whom ironically made a song called “rehab” has felt like I personally left myself to be subjected to ridicule. Maybe I am taking it too personally or maybe I’m not. But the issue at hand is, regardless of whatever caused Amy Winehouse’s death, she is in fact dead. So there should be some respect.

It astonishes me that no one seems to see the bigger picture. Her death should be taken as a lesson that no one is without fault for their own actions. She had to have known that what she was doing was killing her, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Her torment outweighed her talent.

So instead of sitting on the “holier than thou” panel and passing judgment on the dead, who cannot defend their actions, we should all reevaluate ourselves. Ask ourselves if what we are doing now beneficial to what we hope to achieve/ accomplish in life... Nothing but death is certain in life.

I digress...

R.I.P Amy Winehouse (September 14, 1983- July 23, 2011)