Does Monogamy Still Exist Or Is It So 2008???

For the longest time I have wanted to write a blog about relationships.  Relationships are constant conversation amongst me and my girlfriends. All we need is a little wine to get the ball rolling and no topic is off limits. We talk about sex, love, friendships and all the encompasses the term relationship.  But what I have noticed is that a female's ideal of what a relationship is has become jaded. A lot of females have just gotten used to settling for what they can get. I will admit that I was once guilty of that. But now- a- days it seems like a women has only two choices: settle or be lonely. I have yet to decide which one is worse.

I have a friend who doesn't believe in monogamy. She explains herself by saying, "why should I practice monogamy when niggas don't believe in it. I don't 'do' relationships and that's how I protect my heart".  Now I want to make sure to tell you that even though she is not monogamous doesn't mean she "sleeps around", it just means she doesn't claim anyone or allows anyone to claim her. As she expressed her thoughts on the subject, I nodded my head in agreement. I can say that no man that I was in a relationship with has cheated, but then I would be lying. But do all females feel that way?

Thinking that this conversation had become biased, I searched for a male point of view. I asked one of my closet male friends his opinion on monogamy. With the wit that only he has, he replied, "I would like to say yes, for my girl's sake, but I don't know. I always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side and maybe one day I will try to find out. But trust and believe my girl is probably staring at that same grass too". Although I appreciated the honesty in his response, I couldn't believe it. Him and his girl have been together for 2 years, why would he wonder about the other side or speculate that she might be wondering too?

Yesterday I watched "Why did I get Married (The Play)" and the topics got me asking myself a lot of questions. If monogamy no longer exists, then who is to blame? They always say "do your part because if you don't then someone else would", but is that always the reason or is that the excuse?

Personally, I believe that if the love and the connection is there then the relationship can survive. But it can not survive with wandering eyes. People today are just overwhelmed with too many choices and they look for traits in another person that they cannot find in someone else. (Exactly why that Pleasure P song "Boyfriend #2 irritates me). I also believe that some people are just not built to be monogamous *kanye shrug*

Being single, I have come to terms with being "lonely". Sometimes it's good and sometimes it sucks major ass (but only on cold nights). But it has allowed me the chance to figure out who I am and what I would like to receive in a relationship or if I even want a relationship at all. There is far to much "settling" going around and it is mostly because of the fear of being lonely. But it is hard for me to adjust to the thought that what I can receive from a relationship is only what I allow myself to see, while overlooking the honest truth that the essence of good relationships probably no longer exist.

hmmm... i wonder...

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

Now im sure most of you saw the madness that is the MTV 2009 Video Music Awards. I was excited to watch it because I just knew the performances and the Micheal Jackson tribute would be the highlights of the show. Judging from the opening of the show,  it appeared as if it was going to be good. Madonna gave one of the most touching speeches about Micheal Jackson ive heard thus far. Janet Jackson's tribute to her brother made me shed a tear.  But what I did not expect was Kanye West's improptu speech during Taylor Swift's acceptence speech.

Now for those who did not watch, here is a brief run down. The first award to be given out was "best female video". The nominees were Beyoncé (single ladies/ put a ring on it), Katy perry (hot &cold), Lady GaGa (poker face), Pink (so what), Kelly Clarkson (my life would suck without you) and Taylor Swift (you belong with me). To my astonishnent, teen country music sensation Taylor Swift won the award. But appearantly I was not the only one confused. When Taylor went up on stage to accept her very first moonman (video music awrad) and give her acceptance speech, she was bombarded by Kanye West who took it upon himself to express his feelings. Kanye goes on to say, "Congratulations Taylor.  I'mma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time".  *blank stare* WHAT?

I must admit that I am a bit biased in this situation. I really dont know enough about Taylor Swift's music (and i admittedly have not seen one video) to know whether or not she deserved the award. What I do know is that Beyoncé's "single ladies (put a ring on it)" was one of the most imitated videos on youtube to date. But all of that is irrelevant at this point. From the moment Kanye said what he said he was labeled "an asshole". But is he really?

I feel some empathy for Taylor Swift because she appeared to be so excited to win her first Video Music Award, only to have her bubble bursted by Kanye West on national television. But in all honesty, I dont think Kanye's rant was directed toward Taylor, I believe it was directed toward MTV (Taylor just happened to be the one that won). For a few years in a row, a lot of the VMA winners have been very suspect. Those who I assumed would win, were dupped by artist who had better sales (or better PR reps). If you familiar with Mr. West then his actions would shock you, but if you are, it was Kanye just being Kanye. I believe "improptu" is his middle name.

Unfortunately for Kanye, him being himself may have caused some serious backlash. MTV put him and his date (the lovely Ms. Amber Rose) out and canceled his performance. The social network Twitter was up in arms over what he said even suggesting that his later apology was fake. (It baffles me that people judge apologies).  Some believe that what Kanye did was bad for black people (ummm... okay). Some also believe that what Kanye West did was the equivalent to Senator Wilson calling President Obama a "liar" during the National Press Conference (whoa. that's a stretch). It also didnt help matters that President Obama later called him an "asshole". I believe a lot of people are really upset with Kanye because of his timing, not so much over what he did.

Now here is my question to you: Is it okay to express your feelings whenever and wherever you feel them? Is there a time and place for everything?

My personality doesn't allow me to accept what I believe in my heart is wrong. I pride myself on being able to call out bulshit and their keepers when and where ever I see them appear. I do not disagree with what Kanye said at all because he expressed exactly what I was thinking at that same moment, however I do disagree with the way he choose to express his feelings.

Just another example of "when keeping it real goes wrong".

(By the way: Kudos to Beyoncé for making a bad situation better and allowing Taylor Swift her time to shine. You're a class act Bey!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1reS1QEt1jg <---- click this link to see the full spectacle.

*picture provided by: justjared.buzznet.com

Have you taken the time to read the book, or do you just look at the cover??

I am very fond of social networks and blogging. It allows me the chance to communicate and share thoughts with friends and strangers alike. I suppose everyone with internet access feels that their opinions and thoughts are relevant and should be shared. That's somewhat understandable. What I can not understand is the vicious and insulting comments made amongst one another on the web. So much negativity can be found online now- a- days. True meaning of "A gift and a curse".

What is the difference between "hating" and "constructive critism"? Personally, I do not like the terms "hating" or "hater". I feel  it is overused. Some people who can not take constructive critism or the hard truth, use that term to justify themselves. But, what truly separates "hating" from "constructive cristism" is the motive behind it. Is it coming from a good place?


I consider myself to be a "watcher". The term "watcher" describes my personality around people. I pay very close attention to the people around me (with or without a sober mind). As I watch people, although i am not in the very best position, i judge them. These judgments are not necessarily negative, but more times than not they are.

*Some of my judgmental ways stem from my family. I grew up with people who made it their business to express all thoughts (both positive and negative)

I judge based on upkeep. I judge people for what i consider to have "project mentalities" (be small minded); the way they raise their children, the way they handle relationships with men/ women, their lack of education, ignorance, etc. I would secretly vow to myself that "I would never be like them". I won't lie, a part of me distanced myself mentally from them (although I would still hang out with them) because I did think I was better than them. But what I know for a fact is once I got to know them individually (as opposed to placing them all in the same box), I've come to realize that we all had similarities in our past and present. In fact, we really weren't that much different at all. A lot of the people that I was so quick to write off are some of my closet friends to date.

After that revelation, I started to think about why is it a human instinct of mine (and others) to "judge a book by it's cover", never concerning oneself with the contents inside. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. It really makes no sense to judge people without knowing who they are or what they stand for. It baffles me how some people's sole purpose is to bring another person down. I am reminded of a friend who once told me "being negative comes natural. It gives people a false sense of maturity and growth. It is positivity that takes effort, but you shall be rewarded in the end". Hmmm... interesting way to look at it.


When I read blogs from people like Tameka Foster Raymond (Usher Raymond's ex- wife), I can sympathize with her. No, I do not no the inner workings of her life or relationship (and I truly could care less), but I do know what it feels like to be judged. And she has been judged plenty. People (celeb bloggers and their commentators mostly) make assumptions about her life without knowing her, and this is something that she has to deal with on a daily basis. Can you imagine??

Celebrities are constantly under a microscope and examined piece by piece. But they often don't receive sympathy because most people feel as if "it comes with the territory".

But what about us everyday, average folk? Should we all naturally expect negativity? Yes, I know the old saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words would never hurt me", but I don't think that that is always the case. Physically words cant hurt you, but mentally it can fuck you up (if you feed into it). You can be the strongest person with the most confidence, but some things can still effect you.

I've dealt with this issue on both ends (being the one that's judged and being the one doing the judging). What I have learned is that "judging" is inevitable, there is no getting around being judged or making judgments (even if they are unintentional).


You cant change people, but you can change yourself (and hope everyone else follows suit)...

...I am still a work in progress.

"Don't hate.. Hate is easy... Love takes courage" -Rev Run