Last week I went on a date. It was the typical first date filled with questions and answers to help you get a feel of the person sitting across from you. I asked about his life, he asked about mine. His answers were way more forthcoming than my own. He noticed. Then he told me “you’re a very secretive person”. I laughed it off. Then he would start to stare deep in my eyes while I was talking. I asked him, “do you always stare at people this hard or are you just trying to ‘figure me out’?”He laughed it off. For the rest of the night I divulged hardly anything about my life. There was no particular reason for it. I just don’t see the point of telling my life story over one dinner. So I choose other things to discuss that I felt gave some insight to who I am, without having to actually say “this is me”.
He wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that I am “secretive”. I hear that often from guys, but I have to wonder if that’s a bad thing…
Experts say that holding secrets begins at about age four or five. We all want to have some information about ourselves that our parents don’t know. This helps form our future independence creating a boundary between child and world.
As we get older and become adults, keeping some thoughts and actions private sustain the feeling individuality. However, there are those who keep secrets to avoid potentially critical judgments by others and/or negative consequences.
For the sake of this blog I won’t say that I am “secretive”, but I will admit to being guarded. When you keep secrets, your life then begins to revolve around various maneuvers to maintain the façade. Too much work. It reminds me of a quote “when you tell the truth, then you never have to remember what you said”. Never have I once tried to be something that I am not or talk about things that I do not know. But there are often times when I choose to say as little about myself as possible. This might be shocking to some because I am very talkative, but I am not so “talkative” when it comes to my personal business.
I don’t believe that telling a person everything equates to telling them the truth either. You make your own truth. I just find it a little funny that there are some people who believe that somehow when you don’t say anything that automatically makes you a liar or “secretive”. I commend those who are able to be completely open and honest with a stranger. I’m, unfortunately, too guarded for that.
Being guarded is a task. It isn’t something that is easily done for me. Sometimes I would meet someone and want to invite them into my world with open arms, but then I quickly remember what happened the last time I did that. So I choose what I say very carefully.
But, consider this on a different scale. It’s easy to be guarded and “secretive” with strangers, but what about with people who are constant in your life?
There are only a handful of people who know just what type of person I am; the good, the bad and the ugly. With that being said, I still hold on to a few secrets. No matter how well you know someone, you will never know them entirely. It’s just a fact of life. People are left with their inner thoughts 24 hours a day, seven days a week, so on and so forth.
How many of us really know each other?
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