Is the past better left there??... (rekindling an old flame)

The other night I watched one of my favorite movies, "Mahogany". It's no secret that I have a thing for Ms. Diana Ross. Ever since I was little, my mother took me to her concert in Central Park and it was all she wrote. But I love "Mahogany" for many other reasons: the fashion, Billy Dee William's more than obvious wash and set with pin curls and of course the story line.

In "Mahogany", Diana Ross' character, Tracy, had a drive and ambition that interfered with her budding relationship with Billie Dee Williams' character, Brian, who also had drive and ambition . This caused friction in the relationship. This isn't uncommon in relationships. Two different people on two different paths cross each other along the way, but separate because they feel like they have two different destinies.

The most favorable quote from the movie is "Success is nothing... NOTHING!!! Without someone you love to share it with". That is a quote that has probably been used and abused over the past 40 years since it's releasing, but the other night another quote struck a cord with me...

"I want my old man back"

This quote had me thinking... is wanting someone back always a good idea. In the case of Tracy and Brian, it worked. Despite the two different paths they took, she did in fact get her "old man back". But that's a movie, a really good movie, but a movie nonetheless. 

People have said before that "the past is a past for a reason", but I've also heard people say that "If you love something, let it go and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be". But who is right and who is wrong?

My personal opinion is, as far as ex's are concerned, they are ex's because the relationship didn't work out. That doesn't necessarily mean that I have stopped caring, but it does mean that I have opted to stop loving them in that way. But when they make the decision to re- enter my life in any capacity, I can not deny that memories spark feelings and I do consider the idea. People change, right?... 

In an article on "rekindling old flames",  psychologytoday.com suggests that "some 62 percent of us would consider getting back together with a former flame. When viewed through nostalgic lens, the things that went wrong seem insignificant". That article also goes on to say that the longer a person dwells on the emotions attached to memories, the more the nostalgia leads you to relive the past relationship. The good, the bad and the straw that broke the camels back. 

I think in any relationship, whether starting a brand new one or starting from scratch with an old flame, you can't let the issues of the past affect your future because it will in fact affect your future. Especially in the case of starting anew with an old flame.  I am not suggesting that you forget what was the cause of the end of the relationship by any means, but it shouldn't be held against them because that bitterness will be what eventually leads to a downfall. 

Also, don't put so much emphasis in needing to rekindle an old relationship because that pressure might just be what ends up breaking the both of you AGAIN. Figure out if it is a matter of really missing your ex or a matter of being scared of being lonely. It isn't uncommon for people to make rash decisions on who they choose to be in a relationship with because they are scared of lonely, but that is a risky move that just might land you lonely again (but not without going through a lot of drama first).

I am in no way suggesting that wanting to rekindle or even thinking about rekindling an old flame is a bad idea nor am i suggesting it's a good one, but we aren't Tracy and Brian. There is no theme song playing in the background leading us home to each other. We are only human. Imperfect and unscripted. Just make sure it's the BEST decision for you...

...is the past better left there?

*btw: this article is in no way encouraging that u rekindle an old relationship, while in a relationship. Just thought that needed to be said. i know how some of y'all get down. haha!... and don't forget to watch "Mahogany"! =)