Sailing On

I should warn you reader that there is no real outline for what I am about to say. For the past couple of weeks my mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts.

I'm 22 years old (soon to be 23) and I have no idea what that means. I know that I am way beyond that "not a girl, not yet a woman" phase in life, but I am truly debating if I am a woman now.

What (besides the obvious) would make me a woman? Is it to ambixous to try and become a woman at my age? Should I let it naturally evolve?

I graduated high school 5 years ago. Not to sound as if I am hitting my midlife crisis (I understand that I am far from that), but in 5 years what have I accomplished?? And for the next 5 years, what would I like to accomplish?

Currently, I find myself unhappy. Not unhappy with myself, but just unhappy. I started reading books and taking to heart spiritual quotes and passages that I feel are talking directly to me. But I stopped because the pressure of living up to what is written scares me. It's one thing to read a spiritual quote or passage, but it's another thing to live up to it's words.

Some people make growing up look so easy, but I'm having a difficult time with it. Responsibility sucks! And I was ill equiped to deal with it. I was spoiled all my life and one day that well ran dry.

I often try not to feel sorry for myself, but bottling in these conflicting thoughts and feelings saddens me. Don't get me wrong, I am far from depressed! I have a wonderful large family and great friends, but those things are not as fulfilling as one would expect them to be.
I feel like there is a void in my life and I don't know exactly where to begin to fill it up. But it is a feeling I can't shake.

I am sharing these feelings because I want reassurance that I am not the only one who is feeling or has felt this way at some point. Also, I would like some suggestions from those of you who understand. How did you get through this? Is this feeling of wanting more ever defeatable? Or when we get everything that we ever wanted do we still crave more?

But, as my mother's child, I am determined to get through whatever it is I am going through. If I am nothing else I am strong and I will sail on and trust that the Lord leads me in the right direction for the right destination.

"Though you may limp or be bent double, do not abandon your search, but drag yourself towards it." -Sufism